


Numbed Terror

by Rainbowkitten16



Category: Sanders Sides (Web Series)
Genre: Anxiety | Virgil Sanders Angst, Caring Logic | Logan Sanders, Gay Logic | Logan Sanders, Hurt Anxiety | Virgil Sanders, M/M, Other, Sympathetic Deceit Sanders, analogical - Freeform, royality
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-12-29
Updated: 2020-09-27
Packaged: 2021-02-27 04:49:13
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 5
Words: 3,398
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22011352
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Rainbowkitten16/pseuds/Rainbowkitten16
Summary: Logan is suspicious as to why Virgil is acting off...Virgil though, for once isn't suspicious about anything.
Comments: 7
Kudos: 88





	1. IDK

**Author's Note:**

> I'll add warnings as I go
> 
> Just thought of this because its almost midnight 
> 
> I'm gonna be updating my other story soon so don't @ me people

_Shoes hitting the pavement is all that could be heard._

_Well aside from the voices..._

_Oh how he wished it would cover up the voices._

_Their laughter,_

_Their taunts,_

_Their sneers,_

_And all the terrible words._

_How he wished it would cover it up..._

_Or maybe cover the sound of claws scraping ready to dig into their tender flesh._

_Maybe the sound could cover the whimpers and sobs of fear that threatened to claw their way out of his throat..._

_Or the heavy breathing from running what seemed like forever down a never ending path._

_The sound of claws were coming closer now,_

_Louder were the voices, joyous to watch the show._

_LOUD was the only way to describe it now._

_Everything was becoming to much,_

_Their lungs were burning and their vision tunneling,_

_Until they could only see the wispy monsters with soulless eyes that haunted him._

_The shadows seemed to swallow him, threatening to drag him down with the monsters._

_He held his breath hoping the terrors that plagued him would just vanish, but it was no use._

_So he tried to scream for help as the monsters ripped into him,_

_Ripping open his chest..._

_Exposing his beating heart to the world..._

_Bump Bump_

_Bump_

_BUmpP_

_~~bump~~..._

_But nothing came out._

Virgil jolted awake from his night terror. He looked around finding he was the only one there. He realized his throat was incredibly sore. Making another realization that he was still silently screaming. Silent like always. Silent sobs, silent screams, silent **pain**. He then looked to his night stand to find he had no glass of water to ease the aching of his throat. As he stared at the spot like he was trying to will what he wanted into existence, but as he did he notice that the time read 4:30am. Huh, three nightmares and what two hours of sleep, just perfect, Virgil thought to himself. That wasn't the only thing he was thinking about though for Virgil could still see those soulless eyes boring into him, his soul.

He shivered, as he let his mind wander back to his latest terror. Virgil saw no point trying to stay in bed as he knew sleep would just evade him, and thought that around 4:30 was a reasonable enough time to get up.

The strange thing though is that usually after one of his "dreams" he would freak and it could take anywhere from ten minutes to an hour and a half to clam down. Needless to say a long time, but right now he felt strangely numb about it. Like it didn't matter. In fact for once he wasn't over thinking everything and just excepted this numbness as he walked out of his room, **silently** , making his way toward the livingroom/kitchen. Not even being anxious about being up before everyone, and that they would undoubtedly have questions as to why, but again ~~nothing.~~


	2. Breakfast

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Logan does his morning routine with only a few surprises.

A screetching alarm blared at 6:30am just like it always did, the blue, electronic number declaring it proudly as a hand moved to turn off the noise. After it was shut off Logan sat up and stretched a bit, stifling a yawn. Logan reached over to his bed side table and grabbed his glasses and put them on his face. He got out of bed, straightening (heh) out all the wrinkles and stood, grabbing his folded clothes he put out the night before. Logan started to head toward the shower like he always did, after all he did have a morning routine after all. After his ten minute shower, he would put on his clothes, head back to his room to do what he need to there and then head down to meet Patton for breakfast at exactly 7:00am.

Everything was going according to schedule as Logan walked down stairs hearing tell tale signs of someone in the kitchen. Logan ready to greet Patton with his usual morning greeting of 'Salutations' stops as he notes that something is missing. As he stops he finds there is none of Patton's usual humming, something the fatherly trait does while cooking. As Logan thinks about it more he also remembers that both Patton and Roman had a movie night last night so Patton wouldn't be up, so who was in the kitchen?

Patton was the only one who cooked, while he did prefer baking he insisted on making food for his "kiddos". Both Roman and Logan could not cook. Logan's somehow always turned out off, and Roman somehow set water on fire. Logan still can't understand how that happened. Virgil could cook, stating that he learned so Thomas wouldn't be as afraid to cook, but was usually to anxious to make food for others. Remus could cook but after "the incident" as everyone now calls it, he is not allowed in the kitchen. Deceit could cook but only cooked for himself and maybe Remus when begged, or Patton when he used the his signature puppy-dog eyes. 

No one could resist Patton's puppy-dog eyes.

So Logan just decided to see who was cooking instead of just pondering it and getting no where. He was surprised to see Virgil in the kitchen, apparently making breakfast for everyone. Logan decided he wouldn't comment on it at the moment, instead settling on a greeting.

"Salutations Virgil," Logan said voice still a little thick with sleep.

"Hey," is the only response he got from Virgil, aside from him pointing to the coffee pot. Which Logan gladly went over to, grabbing his constellation mug, and got his dirty bean water. Now usually Logan had tea, but he also liked a good cup of joe. Roman and Deceit were usually the only ones who drank it besides him, Patton drinking hot chocolate and Remus again was not allow to drink that after he... nope not going down that train of thought or we would have to change the rating on this story. It was strange though, Virgil made it even though the caffeine usually made him more anxious and on edge. 

Logan was now sitting at the table, sipping his coffee and looking over the newspaper. Virgil must have put it there for him. Logan looked over to Virgil now trying to figure out what he was making. It looked like he was making pancakes and waffles. There was some with blueberries and chocolate chips in them, and it looked like Virgil also sliced strawberries and bananas as toppings too. Logan decided now was the moment he would ask Virgil some questions.

"Virgil would you mind me asking why you are up at this time. You usually are one of the last down, so I find it quite odd that you are up before even myself," Logan said as he watched Virgil analytical.

Virgil tensed slightly, but as soon as Logan saw it disappeared. "My sleeping schedule can be quite inconsistent Logan, and plus there was no point staying in my room for another two hours or so," Virgil drawled as he flipped another pancake onto a plate.

Just as Logan was about to ask more questions Patton and Roman came down the stairs. Patton with his ever chipper "Morning kiddos," and Roman heading straight to the coffee pot and pouring himself a mug before saying his good morning quite loudly, like usual. Though usually Virgil flinches at such a loud volume, he didn't this time. Logan gave them his usual salutations and Virgil gave them his own good mornings abet slightly off, but no one mentioned it.

"Aw, kiddo did you make breakfast for all of us, it looks so good," Patton said with his usual cheeryness beaming with what also seemed pride. "Yes, Panic at the Everywhere, it looks absolutely lovely," Roman said with his usual flourish returning after having some more of his coffee. Virgil gave a grunt but seemed to be happy with the complements. They all grabbed there respective plates, Logan grabbing blue berry pancakes, Patton grabbed chocolate chip, and Roman grabbed pancakes and put strawberries on top. Virgil put syrup, Crofters jam and put Patton's hot chocolate in front of him on the table, before sitting down with them all with his own pancake and a cup of coffee. Patton had them all thank Virgil before they all started to eat.


	3. Virgil's Day

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Virgil continues with his day as if it was normal, which it wasn't. It didn't bother him though, because well right now nothing did. 
> 
> The others pick up on some of Virgil's strange oddities and Logan starts to form a theory.

Virgil's POV

Virgil was finishing up the rest of the batter before sitting down with the others for breakfast. He heard Patton telling them all to thank him, but he barely listened to what the praises where. He gave a small smile to be polite, though. He looked at what he had on his plate; usually, he was too anxious to eat. The usual bundle of nerves that was usually coiled like a viper ready to strike in his stomach was now replaced by a strange emptiness. Virgil looked down at his pancake, while the others had their preferred toppings, he had his as well. On Virgil's plate was a single pancake with a fried egg, with a runny yolk and syrup over the top of it all. The others called it strange, specifically Roman, but today he couldn't care less for their words. The others had already started eating and chatting happily as he was still stuck in his musings.

So Virgil raised his silverware and started cutting his food, bringing it to his mouth to eat. As the taste fell on his taste buds, it was bittersweet, because he could hardly taste anything at all. When Virgil worked himself into this state, he could scarcely feel anything, so it made sense he couldn't feel enjoyment when finally being able to eat without having to about the viper in his gut. Virgil knew in this state that he couldn't worry. His usual what-ifs replaced withs why's. Virgil knew that he should probably tell the others, he had no fear of it at the moment, but his mind asked him why did he have to do it. Why the only question in his mind. Why did he have to get out of bed this morning? Why did to keep up this act that he was okay? Why did he even have to consider giving the others answers in the first place?

Virgil already knew the answers to all those questions, though...

Suddenly there was a hand shaking Virgil's shoulder, jolting him out of his thoughts. Virgil looked up from his now empty plate, to see three pairs of eyes with varying levels of concern looking at him. Patton, always one to wear his heart on his sleeve, had his eyes shining with concern. Roman had his eyebrows scrunched with his concern, something the prince hated since it created wrinkles. Then there was Logan who barely concealed his concern, with a thin veil of indifference. 

Usually, the looks sent shame running down his spine, and guilt hollowing out his bones. There's no need to hollow something out that has already been hollowed.

"Kiddo we've been trying to get your attention for a good few minutes, are you alright Virge," Patton asked. 

Virgil gave a shaky sigh, "Yeah, Pat, I just didn't get a lot of sleep, and I must have been more tired than I thought to get that lost in my thoughts." Virgil let out a chuckle, "Sorry to ah... worry ya." 

Logan cleared his throat, gaining their attention, "Did you stay up too late again, or was it another reason why you are in this predicament." Virgil gave a sigh not wanting to lie and summon Deceit, so he gave a half-truth, "My insomnia medicine didn't work last night." It was true that his insomnia medication didn't work last night, but that wasn't what kept him up, the medicine just couldn't keep him asleep.

Logan hummed as he processed this new information, Patton ever the positive one, suggested that Virgil and he should have father-son movie time, to help Virgil relax a little. So they all cleaned up the remaining mess from breakfast, Roman offering to do the dishes (which earned him a kiss on the cheek as thanks from Patton). Logan said something about getting started on his work; Roman had gone off after the dishes were done to go be creative and shit, and Patton decided to go get more stuff for the movie thing. Patton insisted that he relax on the couch, so Virgil sat on the sofa, waiting for Patton to return with his eyes closed.


	4. Movies and What They Stir Up

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Logan asks the others about Virgil's behavior while Virgil tries, but when you have no motivation to do so, it doesn't go well.

Patton POV

Poor Virgil, it was so lovely of his little shadowling to make them all breakfast, but it so saddening to hear that he had hardly any sleep because his medicine didn't work. So to make him feel better, I'm going to have a Father-Son movie day. Virgil agreed to it, so I sent him to the couch to relax and let me do the work. Usually, Virgil would protest more about this, so he must have been exhausted. Roman offered to do the dishes, and I was all set on getting everything to make the movie time perfect for our little worry-wart. Before I left, though, Logan pulled Roman and me aside, saying it's important.

Roman and I turn to Logan, slightly worried about what he's about to say.

"Patton, Roman, don't you think that there was something off with Virgil this morning besides lack of sleep," Logan states this time the veil of indifference not being able to hide his concern.

"What do you mean, kiddo?" I say, starting to get worried about my kiddo. "Yeah, what do you mean calculator watch," Roman states with a wave of his hands. (He talks with his hand movements a lot)

Logan pushes his glasses up as he states, "Usually when Virgil lacks sleep, he doesn't make breakfast usually too afraid of falling asleep with the stove on or something else of that caliber. Another peculiar thing is that Virgil mentioned that he has insomnia, which we can assume is true and not a falsehood based on the fact that Deceit did not come crashing into the dining room table. Still, Virgil, even when extremely exhausted, he tends to keep things like that close to his chest. The reason usually being him not wanting to worry us with what he feels is his problem, even though that is highly irrational and overall ridiculous."

"What are you trying to say, Logan?" I ask in a slightly worried tone, Logan made a lot of good points, but maybe the kiddo is getting more comfortable with us, and he feels like he can tell us about his insomnia. "Maybe he is starting to trust us more," I state cheerfully.

"Yes, while you do bring up some good points, I do have to say nerd don't you think you're overthinking this a little. Panic at the Everywhere usually doesn't get a lot of sleep normally. While yes I will admit that our resident Emo did seem a little off, I don't think it's anything to worry about," Roman said with a face that showed he was not too concerned with this situation.

Logan sighed, "Look, it is probably nothing, but he was up even before me, and I don't know how long he had been up since I came down this morning, not to mention that his eyeshadow also looked darker than usual. So can you two just inform me if you see Virgil acting more off than usual."

Before Roman can speak, I jump in, saying, "We sure will Logan, now I better get going the kiddos waiting for me!" Before anyone can say anything else, I give Roman another kiss on the cheek and then sink into my room to find some other comfiest blankets and some movies I know our little raven will like.

After about five minutes more in my room to make sure I have everything I sink out into the living room. Virgil is sitting on the couch just like I told him too. He has his head back and his eyes closed, and I was afraid that he might be asleep, but then he must have heard me or something because he cracked his eyelid open to stare at me while saying "I know your there Pat."

I smile at him and say, "I brought the _Nightmare Before Christmas_ and _Black Cauldron_ , your favorites!" Virgil returns the smile with a small smile of his own, but it didn't quite meet his eye. I could see he was appreciative, though, but Logan was right about Virgil's eyeshadow being heavier than usual. So I put in _Black Cauldron_ and sat down to watch it with my kiddo. Now usually, I wouldn't watch this particular Disney movie, but it was Virgil's favorite, so he can ender the more scary scenes for his little shadowling. Though as they got into the film, Virgil would usually be making jokes with him or mouthing the words since he has seen it so many times, but he just seems to be looking blankly at the screen. Oh well, maybe Virgil's just more tired than he initially thought, though he'll probably sing the songs with him in the _Nightmare Before Christmas_.

Scratch that he still is just looking at the screen like he wasn't seeing it. Maybe Logan was right to be more concerned. Right before I started panicking, though, Virgil turned to me and gave a slight smile which seemed to meet his eyes this time, so maybe they were just overreacting, yeah, they were probably just overreacting.


	5. Chapter 5

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Movie time for Virgil and Patton, but are they really alone?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey everyone, I just wanted to say I'm sorry for how long I made you all wait, but this has been one hell of a year, so I hope your all doing well. I just wanted to say that this will be sporadically updated. I am still in school, and that comes first, plus I write in my free time when I feel motivated or feel like I can actually do a good job writing something. I live with my family, and they are almost or are eighty years old, so I have to take care of them as well. Writing is not my main concern, and art is more of my main hobby. So if you actually read this, I hope you all are doing good, and if you want to give feedback in the comments or ideas you all may have, I would be happy to see them. I have a rough outline of what I want to do with this, but I could always use more ideas.

Virgil's PoV

Virgil sat on the couch as Patton insisted he does everything, he usually would but up a fight because he would be too anxious about being a burden, but he could care less right now. He let his eyes slide shut as he laid his head back on the couch. Virgil could feel the numbness spread through him as the feeling of claws rake up his body but couldn't find it in himself to care. He could still feel the soulless eyes on him, the pain in his chest by his heart, and usually, it would unnerve him, fear would run down his spine, but now...

~~**_ He felt nothing... _ ** ~~

Though before he could let himself slip further, Virgil felt a presence coming up beside him. Just because he felt numb doesn't mean his instincts got worse. So he cracked open his eyes to meet the positive, dad side as he held out  _ Nightmare Before Christmas _ and _ Black Cauldron _ . 

Usually, he would be quite happy since they are some of his favorite movies, but he couldn't. The bitterness of his situation only lasted a moment before the static returned to replace any feelings in his chest. He gave Patton a small smile that he hoped reached his eyes to help calm Patton's worry.  ** " _ At least one of you can," _ ** __ a jeering voice whispered gleefully in his ear as the claws seem to sink deeper in his flesh as the static seemed to increase. Though, it never covered up the dreadful voices. 

As Patton put in  _ Black Cauldron _ , he sat back watching the screen as the film started. He couldn't help that he could still feel the dull ache in his chest, or the sensation of hot breath on his neck. Usually, Virgil would be mouthing the words along with the movie since he's seen it so much but just couldn't gather the motivation or the energy to. So he stared blankly at the screen. 

When they switched it to  _ Nightmare Before Christmas _ , he continued to just stare. Though he could feel Patton's panic and worry rising and he couldn't have that, Pat's too nice to be so worried about him. They're all too nice to be worried about him.  ** " _ Burden, _ " ** the voices whispered in his ear again. Virgil ignored them as he shot Patton the best smile he could muster at the moment. Thankfully he seemed to buy it. Couldn't have the others get too worried now. That's his job.

** " _ A job you can't even do right, _ " ** the voices sing-songed venomously in Virgil's ear. He could almost feel the breath on his neck, his hair standing on end as goose-bumps raced up and down his body. The claws dug more profound into his chest, the pain flaring just enough to feel  ** something ** . Till it was all washed out with static.  ~~**_ He felt numb. _ ** ~~


End file.
